By: Louie Bee
"'Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love."
The kind of love that you'll never have..that kind of love is the most painful of them all. That feeling that you have to establish in your mind that "No, he will NEVER love you back so stop this nonsense" but then your stupid heart goes and tells you "No dear, just give him time. He will change his mind and choose you instead of that b***h"
I have been with unrequited love for a long time now. I can say that I have grown accustomed to it. Expert na nga ako jan when it comes to that ehh. It just seems na I have a knack for choosing guys that I know I have no chance with. Hindi dahil sa gusto ko ng challenge or whatnot, it's just that madali akong mapalagay sa isang tao. The heart wants what it wants nga sabi ni Selena Gomez. If only the heart wants a person that wants you equally. I wish it was that easy. I just wish that when you like someone, they will automatically like you back. But no it doesn't work that way. Love doesn't work that way. Swerte ka na lang talaga if nagkataon na yung taong mahal mo ehh mahal ka din. Naalala ko tuloy yung isa pang lyrics sa song na Desperado (listen to Emi Fujita's version..mas heartfelt for me) But you only want the ones that you can't get. Exactly. Pero bakit nga ba ganun?
Recently, unrequited love visited me once more. Akala ko tapos na ako sa ganyang klaseng kagagahan sa buhay ko ehh. Sabi ko sa sarili ko I will not get myself into that kind of trouble again. Yun bang hindi na complicated. Kaso sadyang matigas yata tong ulo ko..ayyy yung puso ko pala. Hindi napigilan ehh. Ngayon, nagpapakamartyr at masochista na naman ako. Just because of good 'ol unrequited love. I knew right from the start that he and I will NEVER be together. That he will NEVER like me the way I like him. That he and I...NEVER GONNA HAPPEN. I told myself day and night "Louie, itigil mo na tong kagagahan mo. Wala kang mapapala sa kanya." Pero siyempre again Louie's heart wants what Louie wants (sorry I reallly became obsessed with that song..relate ehh haha). So now, again for the nth time, I'm stuck with this unrequited love. To begin with, I never really liked him at first. Yung tipong love at first sight. I only saw him as one of my pals. Although I liked his personality (sense of humor really kicks me right in the heart haha) , I never thought,not even once, na magusgustuhan ko talaga siya. Until last year. Specifically nung December of 2014. I don't know what happened but I suddenly felt strange whenever he's around and whenever I'm talking to him. Not really butterflies, well sort of like that. I always anticipate him to be around. I'm always having that lubdublubdublubdubdub moment whenever I hear his name. But I ignored all those feelings kasi baka naman nacoconfuse lang din ako. But as it turns out, hah...how should I put this...I've already fallen (?) for him. I tried so hard to deny this feeling because I don't want to loose him as my friend but again... the heart wants what it wants (yes, I know you all are tired of reading that from this entry..sorry :D) and my heart always wants trouble. Because that is what ALL this feeling is: TROUBLE. You know why? Because..his heart already belongs to someone else and that someone else is my friend. Sucks huh? Unrequited love at it's finest. If only I could just program my heart to erase unwanted feelings for someone, I would so do that right away.
Sa tinagal tagal ko ng nakaka encounter ang unrequited love, it seems that there are 3 Ms that you will feel whilst being stuck in that hell hole:
1. Martyr. In Filipino slang, pag martyr ka tanga ka. tinitiis lahat lahat kahit na alam mong masakit na. When you're stuck in an unrequited love, that is exactly what you can feel. Kasi kahit gano na kasakit "wala ehh siya pa rin talaga ehh" BOOM. Tanga. Tiisin mo ngayon yang nararamdaman mo kung ayaw mo mag-move on pa. You brought that onto yourself ehh so suffer the consequences and face it. Tapos.
2. Masochist. A type of person who finds pleasure even if he/she is already in pain. You get the idea. So just like martyrness, sige ka pa din ng sige kahit na nasasaktan ka na. Kahit na ang dami na nagsabi sayo na wala kang mapapala sa kanya.. "hindi siya pa rin talaga" or "hindi, alam kong may pag-asa din ako sa kanya. TIWALA LANG." tiwala lang...huh..hanggang kelan? Hanggang kelan mo ba sasaktan sarili mo sa alam mong walang paghahantungan?
3. Manhid. Self-explanatory. In short again TANGA. Nagiging manhid ka sa lahat ng pain that unrequited love is causing you. Kasi alam mo naman na from the start na masasaktan ka lang sa huli, your heart still pushes you to love that person. Kahit alam mong in the end ikaw ang matatalo. Ikaw din ang iiwan. At ikaw yung hindi pipiliin.
So ayun..look opinion ko lang naman to and well as per experience ko sa unrequited love. I've been those 3 Ms. And sadly, hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin natututo tong puso ko sa ganyang pakiramdam. Sige pa din siya dun kay Mr. Heartbreaker (I've decided to call that person Mr. Heartbreaker...since you know he's breaking my heart). Right now, I'm still talking to him. I still feel those butterflies whenever he's around. I know i'll get over him soon. Pero sa ngayon talaga kahit alam kong mali, hindi ko mapigilan talaga ehh.. TANGA nga db? kaso wala ehh...siya talaga ehh. :(
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